I close my eyes and I see tiny orange-haired-big-smiled children.I fall asleep and I dream about that late-night-adrenaline-pumping emergency run. I day-dream of eating a gallon of chocolate ice cream, right out of the bucket (because ice cream fixes everything, right?), and then, on furlough have the opportunity to actually do this, I hop out of my air-conditioned car, grab a spoon, open the ice cream and a tear rolls down my cheek and drops in the pail as pictures of small children and IV fluids flash thru my head. I take a bite that I don’t feel like swallowing because, well, it’s actually not as good as it seemed like it would be and I feel guilty eating happy-food when few of my friends can. 
I hike the mountains and pass by a tiny house and piles of children run out to say ”hi”. We exchange quick hugs & kisses and I remember the times I saw them as patients and we shared a lolipop. I think of my nieces and nephews and wish for the chance to hug them tight. 
I go to market and walk through the crowds of people, happy to see so many people out at market who I only know as patients while vendors yell at me to buy something from them. Sometimes I do. I feel refreshed and so happy to be with the people I love, doing what they’re doing. I keep walking and my mind drifts back to the land far away that everyone knows as ”the other side” and remember the grocery store isles filled with piles and piles of box-dinners and hamburgers and all the toppings you’d ever wish for and my brain wants to shut it off. The unfair-ness is too hard to think about it. 
All that said, the differences of my life in Haiti, vs life in the states are fresh in my mind because of a short trip back to the states where I enjoyed a couple weeks with my family and friends. 
Pray for us. Life isn’t fair and we often don’t know how to give and where to give. Be thankful for what you have. The people we work with have so much less than what most Americans do, but they’re happy and grateful for what they have and have taught me so so much. I know that I’ve learned so much more from them than what they’ll ever learn from me. They’re my friends and I wouldn’t trade them or my life with them for anything. ❤️ 
-Mis Emma 
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